Personal Archives - Maria Hubmann - Sensuality Coach for Scientists

Interview: Johanna Ginter über mich und meine Arbeit

Maria Hubmann — Wed, 08 Jul 2020 11:02:57 +0000

Johanna Ginter ist klinische Psychologin in Ausbildung mit dem Spezialgebiet Sexualwissenschaften. Wir unterhalten uns über webliche Sexualität, Tantra und das Leben. Hier ist ein Auszug davon:

Johanna: Maria, du bist ja in Ausbildung zur Lebens- und Sozialberaterin und arbeitest als Coach. Was kann man sich denn unter einer Pleasure, Freedom und Empowerment Coach vorstellen?

Maria: Für mich hängen diese drei Begriffe ganz stark zusammen. Und zwar bedeutet verstärkt oder empowered zu sein für mich, wenn man den eigenen Körper besser kennenlernt und den Genuss in sich erkennt, zulässt und einfordert. Für mich ist dort, wo Empowerment ist, auch Freiheit. Diese drei Begriffe gehen einfach Hand in Hand für mich und verstärken sich gegenseitig. Ich unterstütze Frauen dabei, weniger in ihrem Kopf zu sein und mehr im Körper, den Genuss und ihre Wünsche wahrzunehmen, zu spüren, zu respektieren und auch einzufordern.

Johanna: Ich glaube, das ist ein wichtiges Angebot, das wahrscheinlich viele Frauen interessiert. Ich denke dabei auch an andere Bereiche, die auf Ähnliches abzielen, wie Yoga oder Pilates, Atemübungen und Mindfulness. Integrierst du diese Techniken oder Teile davon auch in deine Arbeit?

Maria: Ich bin keine Yogalehrerin, nicht in dieser Form, aber ich arbeite ganz stark körperlich. Und die Praktiken und Meditationen, die ich anleite, inkludieren immer wieder auch Bewegungen und Bewusstsein auf den Körper und den Moment. Das, was gerade in mir präsent ist, darf sein. Ich ermutige die Frauen, auch tatsächlich hinzuspüren, neugierig zu sein. Was spüre ich jetzt gerade in meinem Körper? Und nicht in die Gedanken zu flüchten.

Lies das gesamte Interview auf Johannas blog unter https://johannaginter.com/blog/.

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Are your decisions fake?

Maria Hubmann — Wed, 01 Jul 2020 10:30:08 +0000

Lately I have been thinking about decisions and I noticed that I haven’t been totally honest with myself. A while back I’ve made a big decision in my life and have taken the necessary steps to follow through with it.

However, a part of me held back on going all in. I didn’t fully believe that I could reach the goal I’ve set, so it seemed safer to not work on it with full dedication. I had a backup plan. If I don’t reach my goal I can still tell myself that at least I haven’t given it all of me.

Having a plan B is not the problem here. Not deciding to work towards the goal is the problem. And I mean really deciding.

I just spent 2 weeks at the most beautiful Austrian mountain lakes. The water was pretty cold (16 – 20 °C), but I wanted to swim in them. So I made a decision to go in. I went in every time (and I hate cold water).

I felt how my decision supported me. It didn’t leave space for ambiguity. Life became simpler, because the question if I should really go in or better turn around was off the table. There was only one direction to go: forward.

What we call a decision often isn’t one. It might be a dream, a desire, or a wish. It might be something that looks like a decision from
the outside and you even work hard for it and yet deep down you ask yourself if you shouldn’t turn around. This costs a lot of energy whereas a decision gives you energy. It has your back. It gives you structure and guidance.

I don’t say that you should stick with your decision no matter what. Evaluations and course corrections are good and necessary, but so is clarity and confidence for the next step.

Sometimes fake decisions are hard to spot or we avoid looking at them out of shame.

If you want to personally grow, create, or do something new you need to be honest with yourself.

Take the first decision that comes to your mind and ask yourself if you can rely on it. Does it support you by being the solid foundation you want to build your goal on?

If it isn’t, either find a goal you truly desire, or get curious about why you are afraid of going all in.

What are you willing to decide on with your new insights?

As always if you need support with the processes, reach out to me. I am here to help you.

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How one realization about pleasure changed my life

Maria Hubmann — Tue, 12 May 2020 15:01:04 +0000

I was dependent on pleasure.

Pleasure used to be something I mostly received from my environment. On the other hand, by giving pleasure I was in the more powerful position. Through giving pleasure I was building a pleasure account in my head. I expected that the “pleasure debt” would naturally be repaid, so I rarely specifically asked for something I liked to receive, e.g. a massage.

I kept giving (sex, time, work…), but didn’t receive in the way I wanted to. Instead of just asking for what I wanted I became angry, frustrated, resentful. I wanted people to guess my desires and fulfill them perfectly. In my opinion being dissatisfied, overworked or sad should clearly be enough for them to know what I wanted – and incline them to fulfill my needs.

If they truly wanted me to be happy, they should make me happy.

Needless to say, that this approach didn’t yield the desired results.

Slowly, I realized that the source of my pleasure is actually ME. My body and mind create, enhance, change, suppress, enable pleasure. I wasn’t dependent on an outside source any more, but I am fully in charge of my pleasure myself. This had always been the case, but I hadn’t realized and embodied it.

Intellectual knowing isn’t enough. It needs integration.

This might look like a small thing on the outside, for me, however, everything changed.

I am responsible for my pleasure.

I am responsible for my suffering.

I am responsible for my experience.

I am responsible for my emotions.

I am responsible for my life.

I call myself sex and pleasure coach, yet what I do is so much deeper than that (and sexuality is already pretty deep and intimate).

I help women to feel radiantly alive.

I support women to live their desires.

I create a loving space of exploration and possibility.

That is why my message to the world is not specific to sex, but is rooted in choice:

You have the freedom to choose yourself, trust yourself and love yourself now.

You don’t need to wait for anything to start living your dreams.

You don’t need permission from anybody to recognize and express your authentic being.

The choice is yours – always. Yet until you realize this, your life will be more painful than it needs to be – just like it was for me.

My message doesn’t talk about living the right life, instead it talks about living your life.

With love,

Maria

Do you want to feel fully at home in and in love with your body?

Train you sensitivity with my free guided meditation.

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Are sex and martial arts basically the same? I see 15 parallels.

Maria Hubmann — Tue, 28 Apr 2020 10:30:30 +0000

After almost 20 years of training martial arts I quit with a heavy heart. During the very last training session these 15 parallels between sexuality and martial arts popped into my head. It felt like both my education in sexuality and in the martial arts finally found a way to show me that they are basically the same.

1. Safety and Trust

First things first.

Without feeling safe there is no surrender – not during sex and not during martial arts. When you don’t feel safe with your partner you will always stay alert and expect something bad to happen.

How to do it: Create a container of trust with setting clear boundaries and sticking to the agreements.

2. Solo and partnered

Most likely you expect sex and martial arts training as a partnered experience. And while this can be the case, both practices benefit from solo experiences. In martial arts you do your kata or shadow boxing with clearly defined, repetitive and even ritualized movements. However, self pleasuring opens up the space for anything you feel like doing. Even more so, it invites you to get creative and experiment with yourself.

How to do it: Make time and space for an intimate experience with yourself and dive into the experience.

3. Focus

What’s the point of doing either martial arts or sex without focus? I’m not saying that you leave out the spontaneity or fun, quite on the contrary! However, focus brings everything you do alive. Actually, I am convinced that you will not be able to have the sex of your dreams or become even close to the good martial artist you could be without focus.

How to do it: Bring your awareness to your body, feel the sensations that are present in your body. Stay curious about the movements, sensations and impulses of your body.

4. Basics

Even though for a beginner the basics soon feel boring, the master will often return to the basics because they know that it is in the basics where the keys of the art are hidden – often in plain sight.

How to do it: Love the basics and assume that you have only scratched their surface when you move on to more advanced techniques. For my sexuality coaching one of the basics is the body meditation.

5. Presence

Presence is the only space where your experience exists. Presence adds depth to your practice that cannot be achieved any other way. Some wonderful byproducts of presence are stillness, flow, awareness, gratitude, and lack of worries.

How to do it: Be. Activate your senses. Feel what you feel. See as if you saw for the very first time. Cherish the moment and trust that after this moment there will be another moment and another. Each moment will offer you something, be it learning, pleasure, surrender etc.

6. Repetition

Learn the basics really well and you will reach mastery.

How to do it: Save yourself the waste of time to mindlessly repeat. Instead slow down and focus.

7. DO it to learn it

You can’t Kamasutra-read your way to sexual ecstasy just like watching all Bruce Lee movies on repeat doesn’t teach you how to do a powerful punch.

How to do it: Practice! Decide and follow through.

8. Sweaty

Oh yes. Sometimes you’ll have cuddle sex and a calm, feely martial arts training and sometimes you will sweat all over yourself and your partner.

How to do it: Relax. This happens to the best of us

9. There’s always something to learn

This means that you cannot reach perfect mastery of a skill. Humbling and true. The more you learn about something, the more questions you usually have and the deeper you’ll want to go with it.

How to do it: When you feel like you have almost mastered something, keep going and be prepared to be humbled.

10. Teachers

If you want to dive into the skill of sex or martial arts you will want to choose a teacher that vibes with you. And yes, sex is also a skill you can get better in and will benefit from your whole life.

How to do it: You will feel when you are ready to learn from someone. Trust your body wisdom and choose your teacher from this place.

11. It’s different with everyone

It is beautiful to notice the differences in one and the same movement when practiced with another person, another body, another personality.

How to do it: Be courageous and say yes to the new and you will be rewarded with a vastly wider range of experiences and new possibilities of learning the skill.

12. Everyone can be a teacher

As everyone is and acts differently you can learn something from every partner.

How to do it: Lessen the thought that you are doing it right and the other person is doing it wrong. Instead try “What can I learn here?”

13. Good foundations

The foundations include the basics of the skill, the boundaries and your inner center. In martial arts you want to keep learning how to strengthen your footing with the force that wants to throw you out of balance. In sexuality you want to get very clear on your desires, your consent and your communication. Also self-love plays a role here alongside sexual health and healing.

How to do it: Be aware and continue working on these skills.

14. Boundaries

Boundaries create a safer space of trust, which is the foundation of surrender and real learning. In martial arts the school should have a set of rules everyone agrees upon in order to create a safer space for the students. In sexuality the boundary setting is up to you and your partner(s).

How to do it: Get clear about your boundaries first. Then bring them to a calm conversation with everyone involved and keep talking until everyone consents.

15. Free expression

That’s where we finally want to go. Here we combine spontaneity with the basic skills, invite curiosity and an open mind to the experience and let the magic happen.

How to do it: Apply the foundations and then let them go as you are caught by flow.

I have the faint idea that these similarities don’t only exist between sexuality and martial arts, but really are true for every skill in life. The foundations change, yet the focus, sweat, boundaries and so on stay.

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Why our lights matter

Maria Hubmann — Tue, 08 Oct 2019 17:53:34 +0000

I shine and encourage you to shine as well.

Why does that matter? Because if I didn’t decide to be my own light in this world, nobody
would do it for me. And the whole world would miss out on my light.

My partner would miss deep connection and mind-blowing sex.
My friends would miss many easy-going evenings, spontaneous adventures and also some cringes as I openly talk about sex, pussy power or menstruation.
My family would miss a courageous daughter/step-sister/cousin/niece who follows her deep knowing and passion.
My former colleagues would miss an empowered woman who walked away from an unhealthy environment and started from scratch to be of service for women who strive for pleasure and freedom.
My fellow introverts and highly sensitive people would miss an example of living sanely and safely in this loud world.
Women and girls around the globe would have one less role model of what living from an alive feminine power source can look like.

Most importantly, I would miss so much pleasure, joy, power, dancing, sisterhood,
connection, trust in myself, intuition, expansion, flow and freedom.

It can be scary to switch on our authentic lights.
It for sure is worth it.

What do you miss until you switch on your light?

Do you want to get to know your authentic femininity and embody her? I guide you to hear your inner voice and powerfully embody her.

With love,

Maria

Do you want to start embodying your authentic femininity by being fully present in your body?

Train you sensitivity with my free guided meditation. I regularly share valuable practices in my weekly e-letters to help you experience more exquisite pleasure in your daily life.

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My WHY

Maria Hubmann — Wed, 03 Jul 2019 17:46:09 +0000

During a recent coaching session my coach guided me to feel and see and hear my unique vision and purpose. It was purple/violet, radiated from my heart and chest and eventually filled up my whole body. I stepped into my purpose and it became a part of me. My body immediately straightened and became more open. I felt present, alive and full of energy.

The first thing I do in the morning is to ask myself “Why am I doing what I am doing?”. I let the answers arise in my body and mind in whichever way they want to appear – thoughts, pictures, smells, feelings, tastes, noises, sensations. And what it boils down to is EMPOWERMENT. I am here to become my most empowered self and support women to be their most empowered selves.

As you know there are many ways to reach a destination. Just like there are many paths on which you can reach the top of a mountain, there are many ways to become fully empowered. The tools I love to use are pleasure, deep presence in the body and self-acceptance. This is a path of love. It is deep, transformative work and recognizes you as whole, unbroken and wise. You are the expert of your life. Sometimes we forget that and need somebody to remind us of our greatness. This is why I get myself support – this isn’t a luxury, it is a necessity. And even when my coach uses the same tools that I use, there is a special kind of magic happening when you are really seen, heard and witnessed by another person.

What is your purpose? Do you see it clearly or does it feel vague? Comment below.

Love,
Maria

Do you want to feel fully at home in and in love with your body?

Train you sensitivity with my free guided meditation.

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Resistance is futile

Maria Hubmann — Wed, 05 Jun 2019 10:17:27 +0000

“How are you?” – “Everything’s the same.”
Upon hearing this I get mixed feelings. On the one hand I find it boring, but on the other hand it has something soothing or safe. And of course on question arises: Is it actually true? Can life stay the same? One look into nature will teach you that change is inherent to life.
Then why is our assumption so often is that change means change for the worse? Or is it change itself that we fear, no matter how great the potential outcome is? This has everything to do with our comfort zone and stepping beyond this border that separates the known and comfortable from the unknown and uncomfortable actions. Mostly it doesn’t feel very good and fear, shame, insecurity come up. We wouldn’t even go close to this border for we know what’s waiting there for us. However, the result will be a shrinking of the comfort zone, as my fellow coach Tanja Braun made me realize recently. Then again we would mostly stay clear of this border, like in a garden that you don’t inhabit all the way to the fence. Instead bushes will start growing there and decrease the open space you have available for free expression and movement. The solution of course is to STRETCH ourselves.

Life wouldn’t be that awesome if it wouldn’t come running to our aid – in the form of challenges that give us a nudge (and eventually a kick in the ass) if we hold on tight to the past. Maybe we dislike change because we mean this forced upon, overdue change that leaves us with limited options under time pressure.

I myself fought against professional change even though I knew in my heart that staying in this situation wasn’t good for me any more. It took my courage (and some tears) to even ask myself the question “Do I want to stay or leave?”. Only after I seriously allowed myself to see change as a valid option it turned out to not be as unthinkable or scary or impossible as I was convinced it would be.
This one simple question opened a space of clarity. All of a sudden I could think clearer, see the present situation and its consequences on my physical and mental well being and honestly evaluate my capabilities to stay in this environment. Surprisingly I knew very quickly that I would leave. I say surprisingly because only a week before this decision I wouldn’t even have considered it to be an option for me. By leaving I would have seen myself as a failure, as weak, as giving up, as not good enough and the like.

Did I ever regret leaving? No. Would I behave differently in this situation now? Yes, but that is not the right question here. After all of these experiences I know more, I have grown much and I sure hope so that I would do it differently now. Instead I think the real question here is: Do I judge myself for acting the way I did? No, I don’t. I did the best I could in the very moment. It brought me where I am now. I am incredibly grateful for the learnings and that I did not shy away from the challenge, that I was courageous when I was. I have compassion for myself.

Everything changes all the time.
Have you tried Yin Yoga? In Yin Yoga you stay in a position for 3 to 5 minutes and allow yourself to let go and go deeper and deeper into the position. You STRETCH yourself. Sounds easy, but actually after 3 or 4 minutes you start cursing yourself for doing this. At least I do. And the trainer just says “Let go, feel into the sensation, everything changes, notice how the pain changes, everything passes.” And after the session you know that it’s true. Nothing is permanent. Everything changes. Allow the change. Be curious.

For a practical guide take your menstruation.

What is your experience with change? Write in the comments.

With love,
Maria

Tl;dr
Everything changes anyways. Allow it. Or resist it and it will be unpleasant.

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I sleep a lot – so what?

Maria Hubmann — Tue, 28 May 2019 12:17:18 +0000

I love sleeping, resting, lying around and looking into the sky. Does this make me a lazy person, who doesn’t get her stuff done? I definitely wouldn’t say so. I work hard when it is time to do so and I really enjoy that too.

One of my many superpowers is focus. I can focus on something for an hour straight (I’ve actually had it tested, because I also like tests ). As you can imagine focus comes in very handy as a coach.
As so many other skills my focus has demands in order to fully come alive: my focus needs a quiet environment, especially no speaking. I respect that and am actively working to give myself exactly what I need, even when my friends or partner might find it strange. I regularly turn down the volume of the radio, already in the morning when I need to prepare myself for the day. I leave the room when it is too loud for me. I tell people to be quiet. All of this is self-care and I see it as my responsibility to take care of myself.

You can call me crazy, but for my need of rest and sleep I have left my own party to go to bed or slept for a while in a full club at midnight. I regularly go to bed alone very early in order to be still and just with myself. I need this time to reflect, think, feel and get in touch with my body and my sensations. I sleep at least 8 hours per night and rest even more during the day. You could call it a waste of time. I call it a source of power.

However, I do a lot during those quiet minutes or hours. Instead of just letting my thoughts or feelings wander and create a story about something, I am present with them and find acceptance for them. At other times I might give them a voice and a bodily expression. Or I ask my pussy what she desires, which next steps I could take in my life or just be curious what comes up in this moment.

I feel that in our action-focused and outwards directed society it would be beneficial for all of us to stop, reflect and center every once in a while. This is risky, though, as we might find out that the action we’ve been taking for so long takes us far away from our core values in life. I am willing to take this risk. Along those lines I also speak up against action without clear and conscious aim and talking without thinking.
I am nowhere near mastery, but I take a break to adjust every once in a while. This act of changing my mind takes courage, because it means that I am a work in progress, ever changing and never right.

What is your experience with rest and stillness? Which rebellious act is your favorite?

With love,
Maria

Do you want to feel orgasmic pleasure in your body again and bring your pussy alive?

Train you sensitivity with my free guided meditation. I regularly share valuable practices in my weekly e-letters to help you experience more exquisite pleasure in your daily life.

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I wouldn’t have thought how deeply hormonal contraception affected me

Maria Hubmann — Tue, 21 May 2019 10:02:21 +0000

I came off hormonal birth control 4 years ago and there is no going back.
I took the pill from my teenage years on and experienced most of my adult sexual life on a mix of internally produced and externally supplemented sexual hormones. Like so many other women. And it wasn’t until I stopped this supply that I noticed the side effects.
I finally felt myself again after this one conscious decision to stop feeding myself sexual hormones that stopped my natural cycle for 15 years and that deeply affected my physiology. Not only did I experience a dramatic increase in libido, I also felt stronger and more present.
Almost every woman I talked with has (had) side effects from hormonal birth control, that she might not even notice while taking the medication. Maybe it is so subtle or maybe she thinks that is just the way she and her sexuality is. Nothing to be changed. (As you can imagine I strongly disagree here: you can ALWAYS change!)

What for me started as a decision that I don’t want to manipulate my system in this way any more turned out to be the starting point of my empowerment that reaches well beyond my sexuality. It was my experience that hormonal contraception not only affected my sexuality, but also my sense of personal power.

My body returned to a natural cycle very quickly and I had the opportunity to finally get to know my cyclical nature. I didn’t quite like it in the beginning, but inspirational conversations with women and the book “Wild Power” sparked my curiosity. I tracked my cycle for some months and found astounding parallels in mood or energy levels between the corresponding days in different cycles. I started to notice my ovulation again (I could already sense it as a teenager before I started taking the pill).

And now? I love my menstruation and wouldn’t want to miss it. I love the change in my body over the course of the month. I know where my strengths lie in every part of my menstrual cycle. I respect the quiet time of the month when I bleed and want to crawl into the bed (which I actually do). Along with all of this comes the knowledge that it will change. I will rise again, find my energy, go out into the world to dance, shine and lead. And I will become quieter again, show up with a different quality. And I will retreat again.

I love my menstruation because it is a wonderful teacher that life is change. It also teaches me to trust and listen to my body. The body knows.

What is your experience with hormonal contraception? Write below in the comments!

In love,

Maria

Tl;dr

Only after removing hormonal contraception did I notice the effects it had on my body and mind.
I rediscovered my cyclical nature.
I love my menstruation.

Do you want to feel orgasmic pleasure in your body again and bring your pussy alive?

Train you sensitivity with my free guided meditation. I regularly share valuable practices in my weekly e-letters to help you experience more exquisite pleasure in your daily life.

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What is the most loving thing I could do for me right now?

Maria Hubmann — Tue, 26 Mar 2019 17:06:05 +0000

Seriously, why did I have to become 35 years old to hear this question for the first time?!? Instead I got asked / told “You don’t want to disappoint your mother, right?” “Be a nice girl and do ___.” “Don’t be so stubborn!” “One more bite for grandma, one more bite for your neighbor, one more …” etc, etc. Basically I was here to please others, be nice and quiet. The sad thing is that I got really good at being and doing all those things. It’s sad because I disconnected from my desires and I did a lot of things to receive approval from others. This turned out to be quite unhealthy, because I depleted my energy working for other’s desires or what I thought were their desires (not the same thing!). In return I expected to receive love, acceptance and praise. I got that, but I also heard variations of “Not good enough.” and this cut deep. I was trapped in a dilemma: the more I gave, the more I craved for approval and the less I received it. Not fun at all! It was my trust in my body’s wisdom that saved me. I knew that I had to get out of this situation and rebuild the basis of my worth within me, instead of my environment. I took a leap of faith and trust that my inner guidance in the form of bodily sensations and intuition will lead me to live my life with authenticity, passion and love.

One way to find your path in the heat of the moment, in situations where your vision in unclear and you seem to be stuck in dense fog is this simple question: “What is the most loving thing I could do for me right now?”. In the beginning you might not know which of the dozens of inner (and outer) voices is the answer. That is normal and totally ok. With practice you will get better and better at discerning the messages that come from love from the messages that are based in fear. I encourage you to trust your gut feeling and go for the unusual course of action. Maybe the one that feels uncomfortable, a bit scary or just unfamiliar. Also try the process of recognizing your YES and NO.

You’ve got this! You’ve got this! You’ve got this!

Love,
Maria

Tl;dr

What is the most loving thing I could do for me right now?
Feel inside for the answer.
Dare to do something unfamiliar or scary.
You’ve got this!

Foto from pexels.com, Steven Arenas

Do you want to feel orgasmic pleasure in your body again and bring your pussy alive?

Train you sensitivity with my free guided meditation. I regularly share valuable practices in my weekly e-letters to help you experience more exquisite pleasure in your daily life.

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