“How are you?” – “Everything’s the same.”
Upon hearing this I get mixed feelings. On the one hand I find it boring, but on the other hand it has something soothing or safe. And of course on question arises: Is it actually true? Can life stay the same? One look into nature will teach you that change is inherent to life.
Then why is our assumption so often is that change means change for the worse? Or is it change itself that we fear, no matter how great the potential outcome is? This has everything to do with our comfort zone and stepping beyond this border that separates the known and comfortable from the unknown and uncomfortable actions. Mostly it doesn’t feel very good and fear, shame, insecurity come up. We wouldn’t even go close to this border for we know what’s waiting there for us. However, the result will be a shrinking of the comfort zone, as my fellow coach Tanja Braun made me realize recently. Then again we would mostly stay clear of this border, like in a garden that you don’t inhabit all the way to the fence. Instead bushes will start growing there and decrease the open space you have available for free expression and movement. The solution of course is to STRETCH ourselves.

Life wouldn’t be that awesome if it wouldn’t come running to our aid – in the form of challenges that give us a nudge (and eventually a kick in the ass) if we hold on tight to the past. Maybe we dislike change because we mean this forced upon, overdue change that leaves us with limited options under time pressure.

I myself fought against professional change even though I knew in my heart that staying in this situation wasn’t good for me any more. It took my courage (and some tears) to even ask myself the question “Do I want to stay or leave?”. Only after I seriously allowed myself to see change as a valid option it turned out to not be as unthinkable or scary or impossible as I was convinced it would be.
This one simple question opened a space of clarity. All of a sudden I could think clearer, see the present situation and its consequences on my physical and mental well being and honestly evaluate my capabilities to stay in this environment. Surprisingly I knew very quickly that I would leave. I say surprisingly because only a week before this decision I wouldn’t even have considered it to be an option for me. By leaving I would have seen myself as a failure, as weak, as giving up, as not good enough and the like.

Did I ever regret leaving? No. Would I behave differently in this situation now? Yes, but that is not the right question here. After all of these experiences I know more, I have grown much and I sure hope so that I would do it differently now. Instead I think the real question here is: Do I judge myself for acting the way I did? No, I don’t. I did the best I could in the very moment. It brought me where I am now. I am incredibly grateful for the learnings and that I did not shy away from the challenge, that I was courageous when I was. I have compassion for myself.

Everything changes all the time.
Have you tried Yin Yoga? In Yin Yoga you stay in a position for 3 to 5 minutes and allow yourself to let go and go deeper and deeper into the position. You STRETCH yourself. Sounds easy, but actually after 3 or 4 minutes you start cursing yourself for doing this. At least I do. And the trainer just says “Let go, feel into the sensation, everything changes, notice how the pain changes, everything passes.” And after the session you know that it’s true. Nothing is permanent. Everything changes. Allow the change. Be curious.

For a practical guide take your menstruation.

What is your experience with change? Write in the comments.

With love,
Maria

Tl;dr
Everything changes anyways. Allow it. Or resist it and it will be unpleasant.