I’m a sensitive person and I easily get overwhelmed by sensations. I tend to retreat into my shell (I’m a cancer 🙂 ) and lick my wounds. So you’d think that self-love and compassion with myself comes to me naturally. Well, not really. As so much else, this is a practice. A practice that I consciously decide to dive into.

I still have lots of “shoulds” in my life, like “I should be a better daughter and call my mother more often.” or “I really should do more sports and get fitter.”

Nevertheless, instead of judging self-love and self-compassion as signs of an underlying weakness, I have embraced them as allies that are playing on my side. As a result I feel much more at home in myself and my body, the inner fight lessened and I’m much more present. I don’t need to be more, better, different right now. I don’t need to be somebody else any more.

I give you a simple framework that you can use for yourself when you notice your inner critic take over. You can even use it afterwards aka “when it’s too late and you already fucked up” ;-). There is no fucking up, but only feedback and learning.

1. Notice your thoughts, emotions, and body sensations and name them.
2. Accept that this is the reality for this moment.
3. Feel into the emotion or sensation and stay curious what is going on. Is it afraid, lonely, etc.?
4. Ask what it needs and offer that if you’re able to.

This could look like this:

1. I feel guilt and my throat contracting.
2. I breathe into my throat and am present with the sensations and the feelings.
3. Underneath the guilt is a sense of not being good enough. What do other people think about me? Will others accept me as I am?
4. The contraction in my throat wants to be held. I put my hand on my throat.

Instead of trying to push away the guilt and the sensations of contraction, I dared to look at them and find out what is going on.
Most of the time putting our curious, open focus there is already incredibly soothing. Like this our body is seen, noticed, heard, and acknowledged.

How do you feel afterwards? What is different, what is the same?

much love,

Maria