Do you know the punch-in-the-gut feeling of disappointment? Maybe your throat instantly turns into a giant lump or you manage to get out something along the lines of “… but … I thought that you would …”

Hello to unspoken expectations.
Hello to feeling hurt.
Hello to anger.

What went wrong here? Possibly a lot. Probably your communication or lack thereof. More specifically, a lack of clear agreements.

In my approach of living a purposeful life I talk a lot about taking responsibility and this is also the angle I will take on the topic of expectations vs. agreements.

Haven’t we women been fed the story of the prince who saves us and reads every wish off of our eyes to fulfill all of our desires? Don’t we long to be taken care of?

I like this feeling.

What I also like is having power over my life and this needs a different skill set than being a damsel in distress.

It takes responsibility.

Expectations put your power to the person who you expect a certain action from. You are waiting, hoping or praying that somebody else does exactly what you want without telling this person (or even knowing yourself!) what it is that you really want.

To me this feels like a rubber band that gets pulled apart thinner and thinner until it rips: the disappointment. Sudden, seemingly out of the blue and painful.

You retreat. You sulk. You blame and scream.
In other words: you still don’t claim your own power.

How are agreements different?

Where expectations are primarily vague thoughts that one person makes up and changes as (s)he pleases, agreements are discussed openly, defined clearly and agreed upon mutually.

Everyone is on the same page and if agreements aren’t honored, there are consequences. There is no guessing and hoping and you get to keep your power. You are clear on your part of the agreement and the other person on their part.

To me this feels like 2 persons standing on both feet next to each other on the same level, grounded and centered.

Expectations tend to be drama-centered whereas agreements tend to be data-centered.

Does this resonate with you? Do you agree or not? Let me know.

Maria